True Romance

As with most anything else in our culture, romance has become commercialized. According to television, romance is a glass of wine as you cuddle on the floor beside a crackling fire.

Reality is that floors are often hard and your body starts to ache within minutes. Just try propping yourself up on one elbow so that you can look longingly into your love's eyes. The pain in your elbow is going to show in your eyes and they will be saying, "Please can we just sit on the sofa?"

Have you ever tried to hold a drink in one hand as you prop yourself up with the other arm tilted slightly to the side so you can stare into someone's eyes? If you drink enough alcohol maybe you can ignore the painful positioning and the cold floor, but you also will have much less coordination and likely spill your drink everywhere.

I guess you could make a roaring fire and the floors will not feel so cold. But my wife and I are asthmatics, so sitting that close to a roaring fire is more likely to have us running for our inhalers.

Television never shows pets or kids interrupting those fairytale romantic moments either. In reality, if you get on the floor pets and kids both will think it means you want to play. After an hour of wrestling with the kids you won't have enough energy to even prop yourself up on an elbow.

After years of commercializing romance, we have started to see a breakdown in what people understand to be romance. No longer is this previous scene romantic enough. Now couples must engage in previously taboo acts. Those who frown on such things are called anti-romantic.

There is a lot of chatter about the 50 Shades of Grey movie opening this weekend at theaters. Many people have read these thinly veiled pornographic novels and will also watch the ratings enveloping pushing movie because they think it is romantic.

The reality is that most of what the media tells you is romantic is actually damaging to true romance. This is the underlying problem with porn in general. The ever increasing desire to find new and exciting ways to be romantic brings about a sense of dissatisfaction in your relationships when things become stable and routine.

Couples can easily become frustrated when they cannot think of new ways to excite each other. After a while, they become distant and their relationship starts to flounder or fall apart completely.

So what is true romance?

There is nothing more romantic than a spouse that will sit by your side when you are barfing your guts out. It is not pretty, it is not all warm and cuddly, but it is a sign of true love. If you can get down on your hands and knees and wipe up vomit that spewed everywhere, then take that stinking towel to the washing machine, and still have enough love bring some water to your sick spouse, that is romance.

Romance is sitting together talking about the many expensive repairs that are needed, the sickly amount of money you have in your checking account, and hearing your spouse say, "The car repair can be my birthday and Christmas gift this year."

Romance is late night talks about how you can help your children become successful in life. Romance is hours of fighting with a broken toilet so that you don't have to spend money on a plumber. Romance is taking the children out for the day so your spouse can have some quiet time alone. Romance is encouraging your spouse to get together with friends without you.

Romance is fighting for your family even during the most difficult times. Romance is staying in the picture even when you fill like throwing in the towel. Romance is being willing to change your imaginations about what marriage would be like based on the reality of what it has become. Romance is putting your spouses needs before your own.

Romance is accepting the 20 minutes of quiet that you have together between when you put the kids to bed and one wakes up crying, and making sure you focus on the needs of your spouse during those 20 minutes. Romance is being willing to die in the place of your spouse; not just saying you would, but knowing in your heart that if someone threatened your spouse you would do whatever it took to protect them, even if that risked your own safety.

This is romance. This is love. Don't let the world tell you what romance is.

I may not be the most outwardly romantic person, but I love my wife more than I could ever have imagined possible. We may not always get things right, but we try. That is romance.