Out of Control

I grew up out of control: impulsive, compulsive, easily distracted, overly talkative, impatient, a daredevil, and often interruptive. Why? Because I have ADHD.

I have never been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder by a professional, but there is no doubt that I am ADHD. I knew I was ADHD before I had ever heard the term. I knew from an early age that I could not control myself. I exhibited all of the characteristic attributes of an ADHD child.

My impulsiveness often got me into trouble. People might tell an ADHD child that they need to act before they think, but the truth is that most ADHD children think so quickly that they are 20-30 steps ahead of a non-ADHD person sometimes known as a neurologically typical person or simply NT. It is not that an ADHD child is not thinking, it is that they have thought of so many things that they often cannot process all of that information in time to prevent them from doing something that may be inadvisable.

Not only am I impulsive, but I was also a daredevil. This led to many moments where I knew without a doubt that my actions would be punishable, but I just did not care. There was a thrill in trying something that my mind found intriguing. Fortunately, I was smart enough not to try drugs even though many of my friends in the 70s went beyond temptation. A true daredevil cannot be talked into doing something by others.

Add to the impulsiveness and the daredevil attitude the immense disdain for authority and it is a miracle that I survived childhood. My father was a naval officer from head to toe. I decided early in life that I lived with a very commanding person, so I was not going to allow others tell me what to do. My rebellious streak turned into a sense of mistrust. In general, people have to prove to me that I can trust them. Once they do anything to break that trust, it is doubtful that I will ever trust them again.

I credit my survival to three things: God, Diet Coke, and being the youngest. I am certain that without my love for God and His love for me, my life would have taken on a much different course. Looking back on my life, I can see God's hand leading and directing me through many obstacles and pitfalls. God broke through my anti-authority views as I learned to totally submit to His authority.

When I was a child, very few people were diagnosed with ADHD, and if they were, they rarely were given medication to help them cope. Now doctors will prescribe stimulants for ADHD because they have discovered that stimulants have the opposite effect on someone who is ADHD. That is why coffee, or any caffeine, will actually calm some people. While caffeine can help, sugar on the other hand is detrimental. Sugar seems to increase the worst aspects of ADHD.

Fortunately I discovered Diet Coke as a young teen. Many non-diagnosed ADHD people will begin to self-medicate themselves with drugs or alcohol. Without realizing what I was doing, I began to self-medicate with what is perhaps the least damaging drug: caffeine. As I got older I started drinking coffee and hot tea as well. Without the caffeine I will start to feel uncontrollable energy surging through my body. That feeling is compounded exponentially with sugar. That is why I avoid many sugary snacks and drinks. I do not even use them for a little extra shot of energy, because I do not like the feeling of being out of control.

Another unexpected blessing was being the youngest in my family. I never thought that being the youngest was any good while I was a child. My sister and brother got to do everything before I did. They rarely wanted me to hang around them because I was younger than them. But being the youngest allowed me the opportunity to observe them. I saw the things they did and the punishments or rewards that accompanied those actions. I learned how to be more covert and sneaky than they were. I also learned what not to do because I could learn from their experiences.

I get annoyed when I hear people comment about how ADHD children just need to be spanked more often or make a claim that ADHD does not exist. They do not know what they are talking about. I also get annoyed when parents want to medicate their ADHD child into submission. We chose to use medication to assist our children, but we wanted them to continue to be the same energetic, curious, bright-eyed boys. We just wanted to help them be able to control themselves a little.

I guess in closing I will say this: If you ever find me to be too talkative or too impulsive or interrupting conversations too much or distracted too much, just give me some Diet Coke. And a cookie. I like cookies. Peanut butter cookies. Or Snickerdoodles. I really like snickerdoodles.