How We Handle Conflicts Matter

We all have had conflicts. Whether it is with our parents, our spouse, our boyfriend/girlfriend, our siblings, our friends, our enemies, our boss, our co-workers, etc. How we handle those conflicts matter. Handle them wrong and we could suffer the fallout for years or even your entire lifetime.

Sometimes conflicts are just a way to blow off a little steam and then get back to what is important. Conflicts may just be a diversion for other issues we are facing. Conflicts can also be good for our emotional and spiritual growth. They can help us grow closer to each other as we work through the problems and come to an understanding.

Obviously not all conflicts are resolved in a peaceful manner. Sometimes we storm off mad and refuse to communicate. Sometimes we see people clashing in the streets as opposing views protest each other. Sometimes conflicts lead to war.

Sadly, conflicts arise even in churches. My father remembered a time when he was a child in Traveler’s Rest, South Carolina, when a conflict happened in the church during a business meeting. He told me that it was a sure sign that the business meeting was over when some of the members picked up the pastor and threw him through the stained-glass window.

Conflicts are going to happen. Even if you are the most passive person in the world, conflicts are going to happen. How we handle conflict matters. Today as we continue our series, Going Viral, we see that the early church faced a conflict and gathered together to handle it.

Some men came down from Judea and began to teach the brothers: “Unless you are circumcised according to the custom prescribed by Moses, you cannot be saved!” But after Paul and Barnabas had engaged them in serious argument and debate, the church arranged for Paul and Barnabas and some others of them to go up to the apostles and elders in Jerusalem concerning this controversy. (Acts 15:1,2, HCSB)

Those of you who have taken our new membership class might remember that in our Statements of Faith we begin with a section that explains how in the essentials of our beliefs we have unity, in the non-essential beliefs we have liberty, and in all our beliefs we have charity (or love).

In other words, if it is well documented by the Bible we will take a strong stand on it together, but if the Bible does not clearly specify something, such as with the controversy concerning drinking that appeared during the prohibition era of the United States, then we will make allowances for other views and thoughts. And we will continue to love each other regardless of our differences in opinion over non-essential scripture.

Here we see that some Jewish followers of Jesus were telling the non-Jewish followers of Jesus that they cannot be fully saved until they are also circumcised. Where did they even get such an idea? It comes from the Old Testament when God made a covenant with Moses and his future generations in Genesis 17. God told Moses to circumcise every male in his household and for every generation after on the eighth day after birth.

This was a covenant between God and Moses meant for those that would be part of God’s chosen people, the Israelites. Now these Jewish followers of Jesus believed that the covenant of Moses should be transferred to all who believe in Jesus as well.

It was evident that Paul and Barnabas disagreed and argued with them that the covenant of Moses was just for the Jews, not for those who accepted the salvation that Jesus offered. The church found themselves in a conflict and made the decision to send them to get counsel from the apostles and elders in Jerusalem.

Then the apostles and the elders assembled to consider this matter. After there had been much debate, Peter stood up and said to them… (Acts 15:6,7a)

The verses that follow are basically the minutes of the meeting that took place at the church in Jerusalem. Let me summarize that for you:

Peter, one of the apostles, told them how God had called him to take the Gospel, the Good News about Jesus Christ, to the non-Jews. He explained that many had become followers of Jesus and had received the Holy Spirit. He then asked why they should have a burden such as circumcision placed on them.

Next Paul and Barnabas shared everything that God had done through them among the Jews and non-Jews alike. Telling of great miracles and the many that had come to be followers of Jesus.

Then James, one of the elders of the church in Jerusalem (one of the pastors), stood and agreed with what Peter, Paul, and Barnabas had to say about salvation coming to the non-Jews. He told them that this was foretold by the prophets Amos and Isaiah and that the church needs to accept that they are just as much a part of the kingdom of God as the Jews.

The church has already had to deal with the issue of racism and bigotry, but here James puts that to rest as he makes it clear that the church needs to accept that God died for all people, not just the Jews. The church needs to accept all believers as part of the family of God.

Next James told them that in his judgement, the church should not cause difficulties for those from among the non-Jews who turn to God, but instead should encourage them to follow the commands of God that are clearly spelled out. James then lists some of the things that the non-Jews were known to do that God’s Word told us not to do, such as sexual immortality, drinking blood, and worshipping idols. And they all agreed.

How does this apply to the church today? Just as the Jews, the modern church has many traditions that we have accepted as requirements for all believers. Some of these are obviously spelled out in the Bible while some are things that God has told a certain group of people for a certain reason at a certain time in history.

For example, Paul tells Jewish women not to speak in public. Many Christians use those verses to demand that women should not be allowed to speak in the church or teach men. Yet if we were to sit down and study all of God’s Word we would see that Paul also commends some non-Jewish women for sharing about Jesus in their community and in their church.

What does this mean? It means that Paul, through the direction of God, told certain women in a certain region that they should not speak in the church because it was forbidden in their culture. If a Jewish woman was to speak out in public and try to instruct men, they would be thought to be just as low as women that sold themselves for sex. Jewish women were not thought of as equals among the men.

But women in certain regions, specifically Greece, were thought of as equals and were allowed the right to speak in public, to debate with men in the town squares, etc. So Paul did not tell these women to be silent in public, but encouraged them for their faithfulness in teaching about Jesus.

We must be willing to sit down and work through these together and make certain that the things we take a stand on are things that God commands for us. And when we come to an agreement, like the church in Jerusalem, we should all be united in our decision.

Elevate Church has certain essentials of our faith they we believe are non-negotiable. These non-negotiable things we believe have an eternal quality, meaning that they are not going to change based on cultural norms such as women being allowed to speak or not speak in public. If you find that you cannot agree with us on these essentials, then perhaps this is not the church for you.

We also believe that there are many non-essential beliefs that our members may have and we do not want to become dictatorial demanding that their belief is wrong. Romans 14:1-22 teaches us not to argue about doubtful issues. We need to understand that some people may have convictions that something is wrong for them when it is not wrong for everyone. Some may believe it is a sin to play cards or for women to wear pants or for men to wear a hat indoors.

Alcohol is one of the big issues. Some people can handle drinking one glass of wine a day and they have no guilt associated with it, while others believe that drinking anything is a sin. The Bible is not clear cut on this issue. Some verses indicate that some people shouldn’t drink (Proverbs 20:1; Proverbs 31:5; and Ephesians 5:18), while other verses encourage drinking for certain purposes (Proverbs 31:6,7; Ecclesiastes 9:7; John 2:3-11; and 1Timothy 5:23).

That is why we are to come together and work things out in love and grace.