How Do We Love?

A man and his wife were getting some professional help. The counselor asked his wife, “What do you think went wrong with your marriage?” She said, “He never says, ‘I love you’ anymore.” The counselor looked at her husband and said, “Well?” The man responded, “I told her at the wedding that I loved her. If anything changes, I’ll let her know.”

Last week we learned what love is. We talked about authentic love, how the Bible says that God is love, and we learned that fake love is destructive. This week we focus on how we love.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” Love is a topic that people have written about for thousands of years and yet we still have trouble understanding exactly what it is and how we are to show it.

Some people believe that love is giving or getting things. I overheard a group of women talking about a possible marriage proposal. One of the women said that her mom told her never to accept a proposal unless the man has at least a 3-karat diamond ring for her.

A divorced couple believed that they could buy their children’s love with presents. When they stayed with mom she got them whatever they wanted. When they stayed with dad he made sure to buy them even bigger and better gifts. The result was that the kids grew to hate both parents and the parents has to deal with disrespectful, spoiled brats all of the time.

One girl grew up in a household with parents that were never pleased with what she did. They were always getting on to her about how messy her room was, how stupid she was, how lazy she was, how inappropriate her clothes were, and how loud her friends were. No matter what she did, she could never please her parents. She was desperate for someone to love her. So, at the age of 13 she got pregnant with the first boy that told her that he loved her. Her parents called her every filthy name they could conceive and kicked her out of the house. So, she found another boy that said he loved her and moved in with him. He introduced her to drinking, drugs, and syphilis.

Walk This Way

¹⁶ I say then, walk by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. (Galatians 5:16)

As Christians, we are to be followers of Jesus. That means that our walk and our talk should be like His. Back in the 90s a youth pastor started a trend by making WWJD bracelets for the teens at his church. WWJD stands for “What Would Jesus Do.” He taught his youth to stop and ask themselves WWJD before doing anything.

This may have been an overly simplified process, but it at least got people to thinking about the fact that they are to be followers of Jesus. We are called to try to become like Jesus in all areas of our lives. It is a lifelong process that requires daily work.

If we walk like Jesus, walk in the Spirit, we will be able to withstand the temptations of our fleshly nature. That part of us that says, “If it feels good, do it.” The part of us that enjoys sinning. If we fail to walk in the Spirit we will follow the way of the flesh.

The Way of the Flesh

¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, ²¹ envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance—as I told you before—that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21)

This is not a complete list of the sins of the flesh. That is why this list concludes with “and anything similar.” Here Paul is warning people about allowing themselves to be caught up into a practice or habit of living according to the ways of the flesh. He even says, “that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Does that mean that doing any of these sins will prevent you from going to heaven? No. Paul is not just talking about a one-time sin. He is talking about a continual habit of sin. A person that lives in hatred always. I person whose life is all about sexual immorality. Paul is talking about a person that refuses to let God be Lord, the boss of their life. Instead, they let jealousy or anger or drugs or alcohol become the lord of their life.

The Way of the Spirit

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, ²³ gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴ Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.²⁵ Since we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. ²⁶ We must not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:22-26)

The way that we are called to walk is the way of the Spirit. What does that mean? The Spirit of God was sent by Jesus to help guide us, encourage us, sustain us, and empower us. When we walk in the Spirit, we are following God. We are doing the things that Jesus would do.

Paul lists here the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Notice how these go so well with the list from last week in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, ⁵ does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. ⁶ Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. ⁷ It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸ Love never ends.”

So how do we love? By walking in the ways of the Spirit. By doing things the way Jesus did and would do. By displaying joy. This means that we don’t walk around angry about everything. We don’t tell everyone what is wrong with the world. Instead we live in a way that celebrates what God has done for us and through us.

How do we love? By displaying peace. This means that we don’t live in fear and worry and regret. Instead we live in a way that shows that we have complete faith and trust in God to provide for us, to care for us, and to lead us.

How do we love? By displaying patience. This means that we don’t get annoyed when other Christians make mistakes. We don’t throw a fit because things don’t go our way. We don’t yell and scream at the elderly person that is counting pennies at the register while your ice-cream is melting on the conveyor belt. We don’t lose our cool because we have to go back home to get someone’s wallet that was accidentally left behind. Instead we live in a way that allows others to see that we are calm, cool, and collected.

How do we love? By displaying kindness. This means that we don’t yell and scream at others. We don’t make snide comments or remarks. We don’t talk about others behind their backs. Instead we treat everyone just as we would like to be treated.

How do we love? By displaying goodness. This means that we don’t give in those evil thoughts, such as revenge. We don’t gossip or kill or lie or break any of the commands of God. We don’t notice that the cashier gave us too much money and just keep it because, “The world owes me.” Instead everything we do is done in the same way that Jesus would do it. We are good boys and girls.

How do we love? By displaying faithfulness. This means that we don’t make a commitment to someone and then go out and cheat on them. We don’t agree to pay a certain amount for a car and then refuse to pay. Instead we understand that our vows in friendship, marriage, finances, etc. are to be held sacred by God and us.

How do we love? By displaying gentleness. This means that we don’t yell and scream at someone that works for us. We don’t make our kids feel like dirt because they forgot to clean their room. Instead we speak softly with words of comfort and encouragement.

How do we love? By displaying self-control. This means that we don’t stuff ourselves with candy and desserts (or meats and potatoes). We don’t sleep with every person that is willing. We don’t spend money that we don’t have. We don’t sleep all day and binge watch Netflix all night. Instead we act responsibly. We do the things that are required of us and we act in moderation about the things that are allowed. If something is not allowed, we are strong enough to avoid it.

How do we love our neighbors? By treating them the same way that we would like to be treated. With peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.