Family: Part 1

What is a family?

“Families can be difficult, they can be comforting, they can be frustrating, they can be wonderful. Love 'em or hate 'em, families are one of the biggest influences on our lives. So much of our personalities, our emotions, our dreams, our fears, all come from our families.

“So, with something so important, naturally, social scientists need to define it. A family, by definition, is a group of people affiliated by a specific relationship. Basically, the family is the most fundamental unit of social organization that with which we most intimately identify. Your family influences your personal, emotional, intellectual, and social development, so if you really need to know who you are, look no further. It really is all in the family. (Christopher Muscato, professor at University of Northern Colorado)

God gave us some important instructions for the family. Today we focus on the core of the family: husbands and wives. Many families in our area and throughout the world no longer have this core foundational part of the family. God’s intention and plan was for the family to begin with a husband and a wife. The coupling of man and woman together into a single unit called marriage is something that God designed.

²¹ submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. ²² Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, ²³ for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body.²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:21-24)

Submit

This one word has caused so much frustration, fear, and even failure among marriages. The word submit is not a word that we like to use. Most people like to feel independent of others with no need of their help or guidance, especially in the United States where we emphasize our freedoms. Submission doesn’t seem to go hand in hand with freedom. But when we understand the overall message what Paul calls this mystery in verse 32, we should better be able to accept our call to submit.

First thing I want to remind you is that we cannot take one verse or one passage of the Bible and make concrete statements without considering the rest of God’s Word. The message of the New Testament and the new covenant of God clearly shows that we have been given great freedom through Jesus. It also shows that we have been bought out of our slavery to sin and death when we choose to ask God to forgive us and let Him be the boss of our lives.

A boss is someone that, like it or not, we must submit to his or her authority. They have the right based on their position to make decisions and to organize the work that needs to be done in order to accomplish the goals of the business. The same is true with our relationship to God and with our relationships to each other. We all must learn how to submit: at work, at school, in groups, at church, and in the home.

Submission to God seems easy, yet we fail at it every time we choose to ignore His commands and do our own thing. If we can’t even trust God enough to always submit to His authority, imagine how much more difficult it is for us to submit to the authority of other humans who are just as fallible as we are. And then God asks women to submit to their husbands.

“However, in the overall scheme of things, God has placed all of us in differing positions of authority and submission. The man may be in authority at home but submissive at work. The woman may be in submission at home and in authority at work.” (Max Anders)

Later in this passage Paul uses a different word for submit that helps to relax the struggle that many women have about submitting to their husband. He says that wives are to respect their husbands.

“This does not mean that she submits to her husband in the same way and to the same degree as she does the Lord, since the husband might ask her to disobey God. Rather she serves the Lord by having a submissive heart toward her husband and by obeying him as long as it does not require her to disobey the Lord.” (Max Anders)

If you think submission is a difficult thing, look at the instructions that Paul gives to the men. He only used 2 short verses about how wives are to relate to their husbands, but it takes him 6 verses to explain the man’s role in the family.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. ²⁷ He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, ³⁰ since we are members of His body.

Love

You thought submission was difficult, imagine loving someone so much that you would be willing to die for them so that they can become a better person. That is the love that Paul describes here. Husbands are to love their wives enough that they would be willing to die for them.

Why did Paul tell men to love their wives as they love their own bodies? Because men have no problem feeding their own desires, whether it is with food, entertainment, sex, or just laziness. Paul said that the same amount of love that they have for themselves, they should use to love their wives. To adore her enough to care about her needs, wants, and desires.

Women are called to respect, but men are called to love. Respect shows an understanding that someone else has authority over certain areas. Love shows that you are fully devoted to that person’s best interests. If a husband loves his wife, does everything within his ability to make sure that she lives a happy, safe, productive life, then it should be easy for his wife to respect him.

If a husband loves his wife just as Jesus loves the church, she will be a better person. She will not live in fear, she will have joy, she will have freedom, she will have support, she will have strength, she will be made complete. Just as we are because of Jesus’ love for us. What does it mean to love? Look at 1 Corinthians 13:

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited,

⁵ does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. ⁶ Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.

⁷ It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸ Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8

That is the role that husbands are called to in the marriage. If a man loves his wife in this way, she would have no reason to fear showing respect for him.

³¹ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh. ³² This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:21-32, HCSB)

Sum

Paul concludes by giving us a summation of what he has explained. In this he explains that marriage is actually a symbol of our relationship with Jesus. The Bible refers to the church, or those that believe in Jesus as their Lord and Savior, as the bride of Christ. We are called to leave our past and become one with Christ. Just as a man leaves his past, his parents, and is joined with his wife to become one.

Paul calls it a mystery, but it is a beautiful display of God’s love for us. The Bible is often referred to as God’s love letter to His church, His bride. Jesus loved His bride so much that He chased after her, He died for her, He restored her relationship with her Father, He loved her enough to make her pure and holy, He continually loves her so that she will become better and stronger and draw her closer to Him.

That is the calling of every husband. Man, our job is difficult. To love our wives as much as Jesus loves us. The calling for every wife is to love her husband enough to respect him. This all starts with our understanding that we must be willing to submit to one another out of our respect of God.