Family: Part 2
Last week we taught about the foundation of the family.
1 Children, obey your parents as you would the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4, HCSB)
The first thing to notice is that we are to obey our parents as we would God. I think this is pretty straight forward. If your mom says to clean your room, you clean your room. If your mom tells you to be home by 10pm, you get home before 10pm. If your mom tells you not to drink alcohol, you don’t drink alcohol.
Next we see that we are also to honor our mother and our father. Honor means to speak and act in a manner that brings them honor. Does this mean that we are to show honor even if had lousy parents?
The word “honor” does not mean that we tolerate abuse and obey our parents like mindless robots. It does not mean we have to love parents who chose to abandon, reject, or abandoned us. The original Hebrew word kābēd that is used for the word for honor has many meanings, including to “be heavy.” This can be interpreted as “giving weight to” or seriously considering a relationship. It does not suggest being subordinate or obedient to parents who harm us.
How can we show honor to our parents as young children? Obedience is definitely one way to honor your parents. Another is to speak to them kindly, rather than yell. To show them the respect that they deserve as your parents. To do nice things for them. To love them and allow them to show you love in their own way.
How can we show honor to our parents as adults? We can respect them even when it may be difficult. Never yell at or belittle your parents. They may not have been the best parents, but they loved and nurtured you in the way they thought was best. You survived, so be thankful and respect them.
Find ways to thank them for the good things that they did in raising you. Be there for them and help them physically as you can. Aging parents often need more help getting to doctor’s appointments, doing yard work, etc. Set some healthy boundaries so that you are not too intrusive in their life. They may need your help, but they don’t want you to treat them as infants. And don’t try to change them. Stop worrying about what they did wrong and try to just love them.
If we show honor to our parents, the Bible promises that things will go well with us. In other words, life will be better and less stressful.
But just as with the relationship with the husband and wife, Paul feels compelled to give a warning to fathers for how they should treat their children. Paul says not to stir up anger in your children. Some translations say not to antagonize your kids.
Why would Paul only say this to dads? Some believe it is because Fathers are the spiritual head of the household and are to be an example to their children. Others say it is because dads love to tease and pick on their children. Still others think it is because dads are the ones that typically tell their children to grow up and stop acting like a child.
Regardless of his intent, we can say that this verse speaks volumes to our culture where many dads do things to make their children angry. Biological fathers that abandon their family. Deadbeat dads that won’t get off their butts to support their family. Dads that haven’t grown up themselves and spend most of their time playing video games rather than spending time with their kids. Or dads that spent too much time at work neglecting their kids.
Studies have shown that children are typically better adjusted and happier when they have both a mom and dad in their life. So, Paul is telling us that families are stronger when children obey and honor their parents and when dads love and care enough for their kids to not act in a way that makes them angry. Children are often a reflection of their parents. If we want to grow stronger children, we need to have stronger moms and dads.
Comments