Spiritual Abuse

There are many faces to spiritual abuse. It is not just something that happens among religious cults. Spiritual abuse takes place anytime a spiritual leader makes choices based on their own selfish desires. Most people will immediately about the reports of some child molesting priest, but spiritual abuse does not always involve such vivid criminal acts. Look at these different scenarios:

• Although my pastor receives a full-time salary from the church, he sees nothing wrong with spending his afternoons working with his brother's construction company. He claims that he is often called to the hospital in the middle of the night or that he spends many hours in church meetings and visitation so he should be allowed to spend office hours making a little extra money. [NOTE: some churches allow their ministers to do things like this because they cannot afford to pay the minister a suitable salary]
  
• We felt as though God wanted us to move to a neighboring church so that we could help them minister to people that our church was not reaching. My husband and I had skills in working with this group of people and felt that this other church could benefit from our experience. When we informed our pastor of the decision, he accused us of betraying his loyalty. He claimed that we were not very spiritual if we could not find a way to serve God in our current church. After our meeting, the pastor called other church leaders and told them we were going against God's will and that they should have nothing to do with us.
• Our children's minister is constantly complaining about how much less she makes than the senior pastor. She always comments on how the other minister's have such nice homes or vehicles. I have noticed that many church members feel sorry for her and have given her extra money or gifts. [NOTE: giving gifts to a minister is not a bad thing, but some ministers expect special treatment just because they are ministers]
  
• A girl at our church was told that she could no longer sing solos because she had gained too much weight. The music minister told her that the senior pastor insisted he remove her from any ministry that would have her in front of people until she sought forgiveness for her sin of gluttony. [NOTE: public displays of sin should not be tolerated, but God directs us to deal with these sins in a loving and caring manner]
  
• My senior pastor is involved in making financial decisions concerning the raises for all other staff. Last year he requested a generous 5% raise for all of the staff, but then asked for an 11% raise for himself. He claimed that he deserves a larger raise because he does more work than the other ministers. [NOTE: the senior minister should make more than the other staff members, but his attitude was not one of a servant]
  
• The youth minister at my church seemed so wonderful. He would spend many hours with the youth and children. Recently he suggested that my husband and I should take advantage of some time without our children and take a cruise. He volunteered to watch our children while we were gone. When we returned, our children informed us that the youth minister inducted them into a secret club meant only for special youth at the church. They were told not to tell us anything about the club or what goes on at it. However, they did tell us and we were shocked. When we approached the pastor about it, we were told that the youth minister was a very godly man and that our children must have been lying to us.
• Our pastor always buys the latest electronic gadgets for his office, takes many church members out to eat and charges it to the church and he even plays golf at the churches expense. He claims that with all the sacrifices he must make for the church that he deserves these extra little perks.

Anytime a minister believes that he deserve special treatment because of his position, anytime a minister believes that she is above scrutiny by others, or anytime a minister attempts to harm anyone physically, emotionally or spiritually then they are guilty of abuse. If you are concerned that your spiritual leader may be an abuser, remove yourself from their control and/or authority and seek the help and advice from someone you can trust.

It is important to remember that most ministers are godly men or women who are seeking to be the best servant that they can be for God. If you are uncertain about their motives, discuss them with them privately. You may learn something that could help you change your mind or opinion about them. You should never spread your concerns about a ministers spirituality to the entire church until you have worked through the issues in a biblical manner. Look at Matthew 18:15-17 for the correct way to handle this.