Breathe

I spent a lot of time outside this past weekend, so when I woke on Tuesday with a sore throat and earache, I just ignored it since I have allergies to most of the pollens that are currently out. I went to work and started getting that chest-tightening that happens occasionally when you have asthma, as I do. I used my rescue inhaler and continued to focus on my work. The sensation did not go away, so after a couple hours I used my rescue inhaler again. When I left for lunch my chest was hurting enough that it concerned me, so I went to the doctor's.

My asthma was bad enough that the doctor ordered a breathing treatment (nebulizer with albuterol) and a megadose of prednisone (steroids). The chest pains ended and I was once again able to breathe. The good news is that my blood-oxygen levels were normal, meaning that my brain was getting enough oxygen, even if my blood pressure had been quite elevated by my struggles to breathe.

Breathing is a wonderful thing that we often take for granted until we cannot breathe. The very act of not breathing well for about 6 hours on Tuesday has continued to have repercussions even 48 hours later. Starting Tuesday afternoon I noticed that I was having difficulty thinking straight. My mind struggled to grasp ahold of ideas and thoughts that I had just iterated. The effort to just move my body from one place to another required intense concentration. I often felt as though I was trying to control my actions from a remote control somewhere outside of my own body. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. I also noticed some instability when I would walk, stand, or sit, but that could have been from the ear infection and sinus infection that I also discovered I have. All of this compounded my extreme sense of fatigue.

The effects have mostly worn off now, but I am still struggling to keep my mind focused on things that normally would not have required much concentration on my part. The sluggish body movements have gone, the instability is gone, and the extreme fatigue is gone. But the experience has had me thinking about the wonder and joy of breathing. Which in turn reminded me of one of my favorite worship songs, "Breathe" written by Marie Barnett. SO, I had to google for the story behind this song and this is what I found...

"We had been singing 'Isn't He' by John Wimber, Marie remembers, "and my husband continued to play. I was so enthralled with Jesus at that moment, thinking I could never live, I could never even take a breath if I didn't have a word from Him every day. And so I heard those words - "this is the air I breathe, this is my daily bread" - and I started singing them."

"Breathe" would go on to become one of the most-played worship songs in churches around the world and would be recorded by numerous artists, including Michael W. Smith and Rebecca St. James. In fact, in 2002 "Breathe" was named most recorded song of the year by ASCAP (American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers).  

From an article about Marie Barnett on Vineyard Music website.

The very act of not breathing helps me to better understand what it means to desire to grasp ahold of God in such a manner that I could not force any air into my lungs unless I am in His presence, hearing His voice. Finding myself in any other situation would be tantamount to finding myself upside down in seawater not knowing which way is up, desperate for air, yet knowing that opening my mouth to breathe would be the biggest mistake ever. And once I emerge from the depths of the sea, gulping in that air that I so desperately needed. That is what asthma is like, and that is what I want my relationship with Jesus to be like.

Do I wish that I had never developed asthma? Of course. It is perhaps the worst thing that has ever happened to me as worship pastor. I often struggle to make it through our three worship services. I am physically exhausted every Sunday after church, every Wednesday after worship choir rehearsal, and every Thursday after praise team rehearsal. The things I love to do the most have become the most difficult for me to do. I have not been able to play my trumpet for almost four years, because the amount of air pressure that it requires to play causes my chest and lungs to hurt.

But God has taken this difficult medical situation that I have been experiencing and has taught me some precious truths. Too often I spend my time doing busy work and not enough time breathing in the wonder of God. Too often I find myself wasting time and energy when God wants to breathe His Word into me. If I have to live with asthma for the rest of my life, I pray that God continues to remind me of how precious that air is and how I need to stay focused on allowing Him to be the air I breathe.

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me
This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very Word spoken to me
And I, I'm desperate for You
I'm lost without You
This is the air I breathe