Grace Is Greater Than Our Hurts


Wendy and I both have parents that would not get rid of anything. One day after Wendy and I had been married, her dad pointed out a stack of toys from her childhood and said, “Those are yours when you are ready for them.” He didn’t want to throw something away that could be useful, but he was happy to let us remove them from his basement…as I learned when he mentioned multiple times that he had 2 wedding dresses in his house and wondered when we were going to take ours so that he would only have one left in the house.

My father, on the other hand, never threw anything away even if it had no purpose or possible future use. When he passed away in January, my mom started to go through his things and found numerous military leave slips that had ceased to have any use the day he returned from leave more than 60 years ago. He also had 7 or 8 wallets in his dresser drawer…many that still had cash in them. He had a box of about 150 different keys that didn’t go to any lock that we could find. My mom spent weeks going through these things. Much of it was useless and just taking up space.

Many of us are the same way with our emotional baggage. Some are like my father-in-law, holding on to old things in hopes that they could be used again someday. Neatly tucked away waiting for someone to say the wrong thing and then we pull out that old hurt and use it to repay them for the damage that they did to us. Many of us are like my father, holding on to every old hurt and pain and problem, refusing to let it go even though it has no future purpose. Today we will look at how we can spiritually declutter our lives.

54 When they heard these things, they were enraged in their hearts and gnashed their teeth at him. 55 But Stephen, filled by the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven. He saw God’s glory, with Jesus standing at the right hand of God, and he said, 56 “Look! I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!”
57 Then they screamed at the top of their voices, covered their ears, and together rushed against him. 58 They threw him out of the city and began to stone him. And the witnesses laid their robes at the feet of a young man named Saul. 59 They were stoning Stephen as he called out: “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!” 60 Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin!” And saying this, he fell asleep. (Acts 7:54-60, HCSB)

Release the Hurt

When we get hurt by someone we react in one of three ways. We may put on a thick armor coating and refuse to allow anyone to treat us the same ever again, we may build a shell around us and retreat into it (possibly blaming ourselves), or we will release the hurt and refuse to be a victim of the person that caused us the pain. The first two options are the ones that most of us choose and they only lead to a life of hatred.

Religion and science say the same thing about hate. It only hurts the one that has already been hurt. The person that has caused us harm probably doesn’t care what we think. They possibly don’t even know that they have hurt us. They may have even long forgotten that they caused us any harm. Yet holding onto hate is like letting the person that hurt us live rent-free in our mind.

When we hate those that have hurt us, we continue to remember the hurt over and over and over and it only causes us more hurt and harm and bitterness. We must find a way to release the hurt and the hate. And the only way to be fully released from your pain is to give it to Jesus. The Bible says to “cast all your care on Him (Jesus) because He cares about you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Ask God to heal you from the pain.

14 Alexander the coppersmith did great harm to me. The Lord will repay him according to his works. 15 Watch out for him yourself because he strongly opposed our words.
16 At my first defense, no one stood by me, but everyone deserted me. May it not be counted against them. 17 But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the proclamation might be fully made through me and all the Gentiles might hear. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. 18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil work and will bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever! Amen. (2 Timothy 4:14-18, HCSB)

Release the Hurter

Paul is sharing here that he had been hurt as well as deserted. He had reason to be filled with hatred for what Alexander had done to him, but Paul understands that God will repay Alexander for his evil actions. Paul had reason to feel hurt because of those that had left him to defend himself, but he did not want them to be hurt in return. Paul knew that Jesus stood with him and gave him strength throughout all his problems.

After all, grace is only grace if it goes both ways. Receiving it from God but refusing to give it to others isn’t an option. God is willing to forgive us for every filthy, stinking, rotten, sinful thing we have ever done. We cannot accept His forgiveness yet refuse to forgive others. The Lord’s Prayers says, “Forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.” Grace demands that we forgive those that have hurt us.

How do we release those that have hurt us to God? We let God deal with them. Neither Stephen nor Jesus looked their murderers in the eye and said, “I forgive you.” Instead, they looked to heaven and said, “God forgive them.” If you have struggled to forgive someone for what they have done to you, perhaps this is the place to start. “God forgive them.”

21 Once you were alienated and hostile in your minds because of your evil actions. 22 But now He has reconciled you by His physical body through His death, to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him— 23 if indeed you remain grounded and steadfast in the faith and are not shifted away from the hope of the gospel that you heard. This gospel has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and I, Paul, have become a servant of it. (Colossians 1:21-23, HCSB)

Reconciliation Is Grace

Releasing the hurt and the hurter are only the start of the process to experience God’s grace for our lives. We also must be willing to reconcile ourselves with those that hurt us. That may not be possible in every situation. We don’t expect a child that has been molested to reconcile with the molester. Total reconciliation requires both forgiveness from the offended and repentance from the offender. But when we practice reconciliation it helps us understand just how much greater the grace of God really is.

God created us in His own image, yet every one of us have hurt God with our sinful actions. Our sin separated us from God and eternity with Him. Paul said here that God reconciled us to Himself by sending His Son, Jesus, to die on a cross to pay our sin debt, so that we might once again stand holy, faultless, and blameless before God. That is God’s grace.

Professor David Black and his wife spent about 2 months every year in Ethiopia helping the church in a small village where his wife was born to a missionary couple 60 years ago. During their time in Ethiopia they led many of the people to accept Jesus and helped them with their medical and physical needs. One of these was a young woman and her infant child.

One day, a Muslim teen named Mohammed went into the home of this young Christian woman and killed her and her infant daughter because he hated Christians. He was caught and sent to prison. Dr. Black said that not only did this man hurt this woman, her infant, and her family, but he also hurt her friends, her church, and him and his wife personally because they had grown to love her like one of their own children.

Dr. Black had every reason to hate this man. He went to visit him in prison on one of his trips to Ethiopia to confront him. At the prison, they told him to wait in a room and they would bring him out. When he saw Mohammed, he said, “You killed my little girl, but I forgive you.” Mohammed was stunned. He asked how he could forgive him for what he had done. Dr. Black explained that because Jesus had forgiven him he was able to forgive Mohammed. On one of the many visits that Dr. Black made to the prison, Mohammed accepted Jesus.

After Mohammed was released from prison, he came to the little church where this woman had attended and asked them to forgive him. Dr. Black and his wife adopted Mohammed as one of their sons. They have completely forgiven him of what he did, released their hurt to Jesus, and reconciled with Mohammed. That is grace.

What can we do? Acknowledge our hurt. Release our rights. Pray for our enemies. Lean on the Lord. Is there an enemy you need to forgive, to pray for, to do good to, to be reconciled with? Who is it? What do you need to do? You can do this. Grace is greater than your hurt. Just let God’s grace flow through you and into others.

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