Dealing with Tragedy

September 15, 1999, was a tragic day for me. That is the day that a friend of mine, Sydney Browning, was shot and killed during a church youth event at her church in Fort Worth, Texas. Six others lost their life that day to the same shooter.

September 4, 2004, was a tragic day for our family and many others in Florida. On that day Frances, a category 3 hurricane, started battering Florida and left our home flooded with a large hole in the ceiling and roof, and destroyed our shed and our porch. Then exactly 3 weeks later on September 25, Jeanne, a category 3 hurricane, followed the exact same path as Frances and did further damage to our home. That September was a very bad month for our family, but we were all alive and healthy. The damage was only stuff and most stuff can be replaced.

September 11, 2001, was a tragic day for our nation.

The word tragedy is used to describe an event causing great suffering, distress, and loss. To some people losing a pet is a tragedy. For some the loss of a family heirloom can be a tragedy. For some the loss of wealth is a tragedy. For most the loss of a loved one is a tragedy.

Tragic situations almost always bring about a process of grief. I call it a process because that is exactly what grief is. Studies have shown that we don’t just experience one moment of grief, but a process that can sometimes take months or even years. This is known as the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

We understand the aftermath of a tragic situation. For centuries we have observed tragedies and we know fairly well what people will experience following one. As a result, there are methods for dealing with these tragedies. Grief counseling and support groups are suggested in almost every book dealing with tragedy. But what about the Bible? What does God have to say about dealing with loss. Especially with the death of a loved one?

In John chapter 11 we read about a time when a close friend of Jesus dies. It is often thought to be the most human moment depicted in the life of Jesus. The Bible tells us that Jesus was God in human flesh. That Jesus was fully God and fully man. That means He was 100% God and at the same time 100% man. He was not a demi-god like Hercules in Greek mythology.

Jesus was God, but He was also a man. He experienced the same emotions, pain, and hurts as we do. He was tempted just like we are. He made friendships and He even loved.

Now Jesus loved Martha, her sister, and Lazarus. (John 11:5)

Martha, Mary, and Lazarus were siblings that had become very good friends with Jesus. Jesus loved them. Since this was originally written in Greek we need to understand that Greek has four words that are used to express love. Agape, meaning unconditional love like that shown by God for all of mankind, is the strongest emotion of love. Eros, which is sexual in nature like the love between a husband and wife and also for lustful love, is the root word for erotica. Philia, which is an affection between friends such as in Philadelphia—the city of brotherly love. And Storge, which is a natural appeal such as that which one feels for their country or a baseball team.

The word that was used in verse 5 was agape love. Jesus loved them unconditionally. They were more than just friends. News had been sent to Jesus that Lazarus was sick. Jesus continued to minister to others where he was for 2 days before traveling the 2 days it would take to go to see Lazarus.

Jesus told his followers in verse 4 that this sickness would not end in death, but that it would be used to so that Jesus would be glorified. Jesus tells His disciples in verse 14 that Lazarus had died. I am sure that this confused the disciples. After all, they all thought Jesus said Lazarus would not die. How could he be dead? Denial.

In verses 17-36 we see several things happen. First we see both Martha and Mary telling Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother wouldn’t be dead.” This is equivalent to asking God, “Why did you have to let my loved one die?” Anger.

Martha in her despair told Jesus, “God will give you whatever you ask.” What was she saying? It seems that Martha was asking Jesus to give Lazarus back to her. She was telling Him that if He wanted it to happen, she was sure God would allow it. Bargaining.

But as soon as Jesus tells her that Lazarus will rise from the dead, Martha suddenly does not have the same faith that she did just a moment ago. She tells Jesus that she knows he will rise again at the resurrection in the last days, but she is just not ready to believe that Jesus could return Lazarus to her. She cannot imagine anything other than that which she is feeling and experiencing at that moment. Depression.

“Remove the stone,” Jesus said.
Martha, the dead man’s sister, told Him, “Lord, he’s already decaying. It’s been four days.” (John 11:39)

When Jesus told her that Lazarus would rise from the dead and then asked them to move the stone that blocked the tomb, Martha suddenly shows that she knew for certain that Lazarus was dead. After all, he had been inside a sealed tomb for 4 days. Even if he had been alive when he was placed inside, he would be dead now due to lack of air. Acceptance.

We see in this story, all five stages of grief shown by the family and friends of Lazarus. But how was Jesus impacted by this loss?

When Jesus saw her crying, and the Jews who had come with her crying, He was angry in His spirit and deeply moved. “Where have you put him?” He asked.
“Lord,” they told Him, “come and see.”
Jesus wept. (John 11:33-35)

Jesus loved Martha and Mary just as much as He loved Lazarus. It hurt Him to see His friends suffering. Verse 33 says that Jesus got “angry in His spirit.” I have heard some say He was angry because of Martha’s disbelief, but most theologians believe that Jesus was angry at the effects of sin in the world.

Before Adam and Eve sinned, there was no such thing as sickness and death. It was because of their sin that disease came into the world. It was because of their sin that people now get sick and die. But what if God had just forgiven them of their sin? Would we still have pain and suffering?

Yes. Sickness, disease, pain, suffering, and death are all consequences of the very first sin. When we sin and ask God to forgive us, He will forgive us completely. the Bible says that He is faithful to forgive us and that He will cast our sins as far from Him as the east is to the west. He will not remember our sins or hold them against us. But all sin has consequences and just because we have been forgiven of the sin does not mean that we have stopped the consequence of our sin.

Jesus was angry because sin had brought suffering and death and because of that His friend Lazarus had suffered. We also see that Jesus was deeply moved. The words used here describe a sadness, but not a sadness for Lazarus. It is a different word than used elsewhere to describe a person’s sadness over death. I believe that deeply moved is referring to a sadness in the unbelief of Martha, Mary, and his disciples. A sadness that after all that they knew about Him, after all that they had seen, they still did not have enough faith to believe that He would be able to save Lazarus.

Then, in the shortest verse of the Bible we read that Jesus cried. He was not crying for His loss, because He knew that Lazarus was in Heaven. He cried because of the suffering of His friends, and, I believe, because He knew that Lazarus would be leaving the splendor of Heaven only to come back to a place of suffering and death again.

When tragedy strikes and we see pain and suffering around us, we need to focus on the power and authority of God. Regardless of the circumstances around us, accept that God is still in control. God has a plan. If you want to get angry, be angry that sin has brought death into our world. That anger should help you to love others enough to tell them about Jesus and the importance of accepting Him as their Lord and Savior.

And lastly I want us to learn from Jesus how we are to respond to those that are suffering during a tragedy. Jesus came to them, cried with them, and showed them He cared about their loss. He didn't try to comfort them with phrases like, "Everything will be alright" or "I know how you feel." We all wonder what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. The reality is that we don’t have to say anything.

In deep pain, people don’t need logic, advice, encouragement, or even Scripture. They just need you to show up and shut up. #Love @RickWarren

Show up and shut up. Help them. Love them. Let them take time to grieve and then you can start speaking into their lives words of comfort and encouragement.