Spiritual Abuse

One sign that we are nearing the end times is the increasing number of reports that we hear about pastors (priests, clergy, ministers, etc.) that abuse their positions and harm the church and church members. Their actions are called spiritual abuse because they are in spiritual leadership over those they are hurting. This was the scripture passage for my devotional this morning:

1 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.
2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,
4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--
5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.
6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires,
7 always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.
8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth-- men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected.
9 But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone. (2 Tim 3:1-9, NIV)

In my 26 years in the ministry, I have seen many of these attributes among the leaders of our churches and most of these men are still in the ministry. They often use the Bible as a means to explain or excuse what they have done or are doing. Some examples that I have seen:

• A pastor who spent lots of energy on organizing annual trips to the Holy Land, because he got to go for free with 15 paid people. He would pack his suitcases with electronic equipment because he knew somebody in Israel he could sell them to for a big profit (this is illegal). He often requested large pay increases for himself while recommending only small increases for the rest of the staff.
  
• A pastor and wife who started their own side speaking ministry. They used the churches supplies and equipment to promote their ministry because they believed the church would want to support such a good ministry. They were critical of others who did not support their ministry and got angry when confronted about their actions. He often requested large pay increases for himself while recommending only small increases for the rest of the staff.
• A pastor who used church funds to purchase many items for himself, including internet access for his home even though we had DSL at the church, multiple cell phones in the same year regardless of the disconnect fees, golf trips and lots of free meals. He claimed that he deserved all of the extra perks because he worked hard for the church and that it was because of him that the church was growing. He called people ungodly or even demonic if they disagreed with him. He often requested large pay increases for himself while recommending only small increases for the rest of the staff.
  
• A pastor that spent his entire ministry building up supporters. He knew how to work the system. He would help people with their needs using church funds, but did it in a way that made them think he was doing this from his own pocket. He often told these people that he was the only pastor at the church who cared about them. He spoke negatively about the other pastors. He used his contacts to build up fincancial gain through numerous weddings and funerals. He directed people to give money to his own special accounts in the church so that he would have control of the funds. He often gave scholarships to his family members and friends from these accounts.
  

I want to caution people not to think negatively about all pastors. Most of the pastors I have known are very good and godly men. Unfortunately, some men in the ministry have not guarded their hearts against Satan's attacks and he has gotten a stronghold in their lives. Satan hates for pastors to be effective and will always attack them at their areas of weakness. Pastors are human and sinners just as everyone else, but God has called them to a leadership position that requires extra vigilance. It usually only takes one public sin to destroy the ministry of a pastor.

I worked with three of the pastors above and spoke to them privately and lovingly about my concerns for the sin in their lives. One was hurt because I sought advice from one of his mentors, but he repented and made things right. Later he left the church suddenly following a deacons meeting. One accused me of sounding demonic and was eventually found out by the church (I had already made plans to leave the church by this point). One would not even talk to me afterwards and eventually left the church angry at many people and created a large uproar. The one I did not work with eventually was forced to retire from his church and ministry due to health problems with most people ignorant of his sins.

What should you do when you suspect your leader falls into one of these catagories listed in 2 Timothy 5? First you should remember that 1 Timothy 5:19 warns us not to entertain an accusation against an elder (leader) unless it is brought by 2 or 3 witnesses. Before confronting a pastor, you should earnestly pray for and follow those God has placed in leadership over you. You should not allow anyone to criticize them without following Matthew 18 and without the pastor present at the time. If you cannot come to an agreement between the two of you, 2 Timothy 3:5 says to "have nothing to do with them."

The information below is from a Biblical Resolution Management covenant designed for churches by Dr. Mels Carbonell, a phsychologist who works with churches in conflict resolution.

If you have a problem with a pastor, you should go to them alone before ever talking to anyone else about it. You should listen and try to understand their perspective of the problem. If you are not satisfied with their explanation and continue to have anomosity, you should ask their permission to find a non-biased "witness" who will listen to the issues of the conflict with both of you. If the "witness" finds that you have misunderstood the situation you should continue no further. If the "witness" believes that the pastor is wrong and he does not repent, then you should find a group of two or thee other non-biased "witnesses" who will meet with you both. If you continue to find fault with the leader, you should seek to join another ministry rather than cause any conflict and disharmony.

Dr. Carbonell's outline above follows the scriptural outlines seen in Matthew 18, 1 Timothy and 2 Timothy. We may think that it is our job to present their wrong doings to the church body through gossip, letters or at a business meeting, but 2 Timothy 5:9 tells us that "they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone." In other words, God will bring their sin to the light so that all will know they are wrong. This may not happen in our desired timing, so rather than create dissension among fellow believers and harm the image of God's church, we are admonished to simply have nothing to do with such men. In other words, if you cannot worship at your current church then find another church where you will have enough respect for your pastor to once again be able to focus on God and not the problems.