Familitunity

Have you ever been to Walmart after 9:00 PM? If so, then you have undoubtedly witnessed a family with small children screaming their heads off. I always think that these children need to be home in bed. The children are most likely screaming because they have spent all day in school followed by several hours of after-school care, and the parents are most likely screaming because they have each spent eight hours at work plus drive time. But the family trip to Walmart may be their way to accomplish shopping at the only hour they have available while spending some time with their children.

It breaks my heart that so many people live in such chaos. I am thankful that God has blessed us with the ability to spend much more time together than the average family. How have we been able to do that? By making sacrifices.

Before our boys were school age, we made the decision for my wife to remain home and teach our boys. It hasn't been easy. There have been many times when we could have used a second income. My wife would have loved to use her master’s degree in piano performance teaching in a college and I know she would have enjoyed some quiet time each day without children around. She often struggled to clean the house faster than the boys could mess it up, while knowing that other moms had the luxury of seven to eight hours without interruptions. We often had to fight the temptation to throw them into public school so we could become a two-income family, especially as we watched neighbors pulling boats to the lake, buying expensive new toys, or leaving on expensive vacations. But we held fast to the fact that our boys were more valuable than any of that stuff.

However, just because my wife gets to be with the boys all day long, does not mean that we are together as a family more often. As a worship pastor, I often spend many long days and evenings doing ministry. During the past five weeks I have only had three days that I was not at the church for some ministry, activity or event. That is the reason that I have made it a practice to drive home for lunch at least three or four days a week. Sometimes my family meets me for lunch. When I am not working I make it a point to do things with my family instead of doing my own thing. I do not spend a night out with the guys each month or hide in a room with my own hobby. Family time is very precious to us.

And while it may not always be quality time together as a family, we do try to involve the boys in my ministry at the church so we can spend some time together. Since they are not as musically inclined, my boys have learned how to run sound, projection, and lighting so that they can help when nobody else is available. They also participate by doing dramatic parts in our musicals. They also often go with me when I visit people in the hospital or attend meetings. And when I do get an unexpected evening off, the boys and I spend the time together watching movies, playing games, going on walks, playing Frisbee or just talking.

But since my wife and I are both introverts, we also need our quiet time. Fortunately I can get that while doing worship planning or prep work for worship times and events. People are often surprised that as a musician I do not listen to music all day long. But I need the quiet, especially since I do not get that at home.

Every family is different and every family dynamic is different. The main thing to remember is that we must all look for those familitunities (yes I made up a word) so that we can have that quality time together. The times that you spend with your children will be some of their favorite memories. Most children would rather have fewer things if they could have more time with mom and dad.