Confessions of a Grumpy Father
I am not sure if grumpiness is hereditary or not, but it certainly seems to run in my family. There were many times when my father was grumpy and we knew instinctively to leave him alone. There were many times when my sister was grumpy and my brother and I took advantage of it by tormenting her even more. I have known for years that I am at my worst when I am sick, stressed or just plain tired, and it is at those times that my grumpiness comes out.
I remember how shortly after I was married that my grumpiness was brought to my attention. Wendy and I used to love to play cards together. That was before children, the Internet and cable TV. We also enjoyed having friends over to play cards. I have never been a very good winner. When I win, I like to rub it in everyone’s face. But I always thought of myself as a good loser, because I could lose with grace. However, when I played cards alone with Wendy I would always get grumpy if I lost to her. After some friends left one evening Wendy looked at me and said, “You treat the company better than you do me.” I knew then that I had to work on my problem.
The sad little secret is that I am generally not grumpy around church members, neighbors, co-workers or strangers. But when any of these people irritate me, I do get very grumpy at home. Then my wife and children are forced to endure my little tirades or sullenness.
Yesterday it seemed that everything my boys or wife did were getting under my skin. I knew it was not really their fault, but it was just the culmination of something that was bothering me and I was releasing my frustration by snapping at them. I thought that maybe I was starting to get sick, because the first real sign that I usually get is when little things really start to bug me.
Lately I have seemed to be grumpier than usual. I have not only snapped at my boys at home, but also in public. I took some time this morning to pray and think about what could be causing this. I don’t think I am any busier or under any more stress than usual for this time of the year. I don’t think I have had more complaints than usual from church members. I don’t think that traffic is any worse than usual. So what could be the problem?
Could it be age related? Am I just getting too tired to deal with all of the stress, complaining, busyness, etc.? I don't think so. I finally decided that the only thing that has really been bothering me is that we will not be taking our annual trip to the MusicFlorida conference in January. That is something that has generally sustained me through the busy season, knowing that I would soon get to spend some time with other music ministers as we share with each other about our successes and failures, listen to the new music coming out, get ideas for the upcoming year and spend some great family time together during the following week. It is something that I have done for more than 10 years, but will not get to do next year because of budget cuts.
Conferences have always been a major place for ministers to let off some steam. I have been attending some type of annual music conferences for the past 20 years. I guess I did not realize just how much of an impact not going would have on me. Now that God has revealed to me just how easily I can allow something so insignificant to create such an emotional problem, I now know what I need to work on spiritually as well as what I need to do as far as seeking forgiveness from my family.
It is at times when I mess up that I am thankful that God gave us examples of some epic failures throughout His Word. I can take comfort in the fact that even the greatest of God’s creations made mistakes and had to seek forgiveness. But unless I make an honest effort to seek forgiveness, turn over my grumpiness to God and allow Him to replace it with a better characteristic, than my comfort from the failures of others does nothing to help me.
My confession to you about my grumpiness is just one step in this process. I want you to help keep me accountable. How can you do this when you will never know how I act in the privacy of my own home? I am not certain, but I know that the power of your prayers will help me. Perhaps somebody would be willing to step up to check in with Wendy and the boys occasionally, asking them if I have been less grumpy, and then confronting me if I am not working on this. I need for my sons to see that I am living what I preach. So here is to a much happier future for all.
I remember how shortly after I was married that my grumpiness was brought to my attention. Wendy and I used to love to play cards together. That was before children, the Internet and cable TV. We also enjoyed having friends over to play cards. I have never been a very good winner. When I win, I like to rub it in everyone’s face. But I always thought of myself as a good loser, because I could lose with grace. However, when I played cards alone with Wendy I would always get grumpy if I lost to her. After some friends left one evening Wendy looked at me and said, “You treat the company better than you do me.” I knew then that I had to work on my problem.
The sad little secret is that I am generally not grumpy around church members, neighbors, co-workers or strangers. But when any of these people irritate me, I do get very grumpy at home. Then my wife and children are forced to endure my little tirades or sullenness.
Yesterday it seemed that everything my boys or wife did were getting under my skin. I knew it was not really their fault, but it was just the culmination of something that was bothering me and I was releasing my frustration by snapping at them. I thought that maybe I was starting to get sick, because the first real sign that I usually get is when little things really start to bug me.
Lately I have seemed to be grumpier than usual. I have not only snapped at my boys at home, but also in public. I took some time this morning to pray and think about what could be causing this. I don’t think I am any busier or under any more stress than usual for this time of the year. I don’t think I have had more complaints than usual from church members. I don’t think that traffic is any worse than usual. So what could be the problem?
Could it be age related? Am I just getting too tired to deal with all of the stress, complaining, busyness, etc.? I don't think so. I finally decided that the only thing that has really been bothering me is that we will not be taking our annual trip to the MusicFlorida conference in January. That is something that has generally sustained me through the busy season, knowing that I would soon get to spend some time with other music ministers as we share with each other about our successes and failures, listen to the new music coming out, get ideas for the upcoming year and spend some great family time together during the following week. It is something that I have done for more than 10 years, but will not get to do next year because of budget cuts.
Conferences have always been a major place for ministers to let off some steam. I have been attending some type of annual music conferences for the past 20 years. I guess I did not realize just how much of an impact not going would have on me. Now that God has revealed to me just how easily I can allow something so insignificant to create such an emotional problem, I now know what I need to work on spiritually as well as what I need to do as far as seeking forgiveness from my family.
It is at times when I mess up that I am thankful that God gave us examples of some epic failures throughout His Word. I can take comfort in the fact that even the greatest of God’s creations made mistakes and had to seek forgiveness. But unless I make an honest effort to seek forgiveness, turn over my grumpiness to God and allow Him to replace it with a better characteristic, than my comfort from the failures of others does nothing to help me.
My confession to you about my grumpiness is just one step in this process. I want you to help keep me accountable. How can you do this when you will never know how I act in the privacy of my own home? I am not certain, but I know that the power of your prayers will help me. Perhaps somebody would be willing to step up to check in with Wendy and the boys occasionally, asking them if I have been less grumpy, and then confronting me if I am not working on this. I need for my sons to see that I am living what I preach. So here is to a much happier future for all.
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